We have some major changes happening at our school. As part of the leadership team, I’ve stepped up to be the point person on a major project. One of the benefits of working with teachers is that we are good at recognizing people for their contributions. The wonderful people I work with have been generous in offering compliments and expressing gratitude.
Accepting compliments can be challenging for me. Growing up, when someone would compliment me, I would give a counter argument as to why the compliment wasn’t true. “Great job on the science test.” “I could have done better.” Eventually I matured to the point where the counter arguments were in my head. I’d say thank you and then think about why the compliment wasn’t true.
I’ve noticed this with some of my students and have taken the time to teach them how to accept a compliment.
Now that I’m not a shy child or an insecure teenager, I’m able to accept compliments. Being in a situation where compliments have been coming my way, I’ve observed that certain kinds of compliments really sink it and make me feel wonderful. I’ve been thinking about how this should guide me when giving feedback to my students so I thought I’d share my discovery with you.
Specific
The more specific the compliment, the more meaningful it seems. It feels good when someone takes the time to say, “Great job.” It feels so much better when someone says, “Thank you for giving such clear examples in your presentation.”
Positive Yet Balanced
Of course, we all want people to give us feedback that is worded in a positive way. Sometimes people can be so complimentary or so positive that it begins to feel a bit phony. If someone always calls people amazing, amazing starts to mean average. When a compliment comes from someone that is willing to give you next steps or tell you hard truths, it means so much more. The person now has credibility.
Recently I gave the same presentation twice. I gave the presentation the first time to our leadership team, my administrators and our district superintendent (no pressure). I gave the same presentation to the rest of the staff the next day. Before giving the presentation the second time, someone said something to me that I let get to me and I found myself a bit flustered for a few moments during the presentation. Several people that had seen both thanked me and complimented me but the balanced compliment is the one that I actually believed and took to heart. A friend said, “You did a good job today but yesterday you knocked it out of the park.”
Timely
Immediate positive feedback is always great. Sometimes, though, its the compliments that come a while later that mean so much. If I compliment a student immediately after they do something, it makes them smile. If I pull a student aside the next day and let them know I’ve been thinking about how wonderful they are, I think it means that much more.
A couple weeks after my presentation, the superintendent was back on campus. He pulled me aside and told me that he my presentation was well done and he appreciated how democratic I was when leading the discussion. That compliment was the one that inspired this post. You don’t get to be superintendent without learning how to give effect feedback. He paid me a compliment that I know I’ll appreciate for years to come. Why? It was specific. How often do people call people democratic? It was positive yet balanced. He had recently given us a talk addressing clear next steps our school needs to take so I knew he wasn’t all sunshine and roses. It was timely. The fact that he was thinking this weeks later when he didn’t have to say anything made it that much more meaningful.
How can I give specific, positive yet balance, timely feedback?
I’ve started to be aware of my feedback with students. I’ve pulled a few aside and complimented them on something specific I’ve noticed about them. I even found myself doing this with my doctor. As I was replying to an email from my doctor I typed a generic thank you. I caught myself and changed it to a specific expression of gratitude. If I remember the 3 characteristics of effective feedback, I may be able to pay someone a compliment that they will really take to heart.
Your turn.
How can you apply this in your life?
I love your post. It is really timely in regard to activities going on in our class! Somehow we've gotten off track and I've been working on focusing on the positive and finding things to compliment and to ways to point out those good qualities to my students. Your post is encouraging! Thanks!
Thank you for this reminder on how to give effective positive feedback. Sometimes I get so caught up in what still needs to be done that I don't celebrate what has been accomplished as often as I should!
There is so much to do as a teacher, it is easy to get caught up in so many things!